Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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