Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
