Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
