he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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