i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
