I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
