you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
