New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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