ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
