I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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