When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
