your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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