I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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