Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
