Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I have already put on my inside pants.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
