he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
