i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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