I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
