bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
