just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
