I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
