I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
