and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
