Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
