Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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