I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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