if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
