You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
