how can u be prego again
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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