He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
