sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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