I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
