I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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