Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I AM VODKA MAN
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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