well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize