shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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