He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
