Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
