Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
