The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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