Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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