I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
