I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
