I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
