There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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