Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
