I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
