I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
