So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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