I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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