shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
