My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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