He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
