Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
