eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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