I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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