Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Randomize
