Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
