Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
