The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
