AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
