On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
