So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
