I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
