the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
the room spins SO much faster in panama
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
