My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
