eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she looked like the before picture.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
