she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I met the friendliest cop last night
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
