I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
