When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
