what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
