Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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