dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
