So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
