Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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