Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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