Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
